How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

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The holidays are a time when tensions run high. Although there is much to look forward to during this
season of family and giving, there are also a lot of pressures associated with hosting, gifting, and travel.
And for the couple that has been together a while, the madness of the season can definitely lead to a
lack of energy and focus on the relationship. But the holidays are really about family togetherness, so
don’t let this opportunity for connection pass you by. Look at the season as an opportunity to renew
the flame of passion that brought you and your spouse together in the first place and find ways to
keep that spark alive. Here are just a few ideas that can help you renew your romantic love during the
holiday season.

1. Just say no. It is not uncommon for people to over-commit at this time of year. Between
holiday parties, charitable events, and the general hubbub of shopping, cooking, and decorating,
it’s all too easy to overfill your plate. But at a time when stress can completely derail you, the
comfort and surety of your relationship will help you to relax and hold it together. So look at
your calendar and pencil in some time for love. Say no to the annual fundraiser and some of
the many holiday gatherings you normally attend and opt for a night at home with your honey.
Your first responsibilities are to yourself and your marriage, and keeping them strong will ensure
that everything else falls into place.

2. Do a good turn. When you took your vows, you probably made a promise along the lines that
you would “love, honor, and cherish” your spouse. Part of that means making an effort to show
you care. So cook a favorite meal, bring home flowers, or offer a neck or foot massage when
your partner least expects it. These little gestures of love mean a lot more than a fancy dinner
out that you have neither the time nor the money to orchestrate.

3. Offer affection freely. The happiest couples are those that say “I love you” every day and find a
way to mean it (rather than turning it into an off-hand comment or a matter of habit). Instead
of a peck on the cheek, make every kiss passionate. Take a moment for a long embrace. And
instead of planning a time when it is convenient to make love, be spontaneous! Your partner
won’t complain.

4. Never go to bed angry. This is good advice year round. If someone ends up sleeping on the
couch (or not at all) you have failed in this directive. So be the bigger person and find a way
to patch things up before your head hits the pillow. Arguments are bound to occur more
frequently at times when tensions run high, so work hard to ensure that every day, regardless of
stress, ends with your partner knowing you love him/her.

5. Talk it out. Part of sharing your lives is actually taking the time to share. This means talking
about your day and finding ways to stay connected. If you wanted to live with a stranger you
could have gotten a roommate. So whether you need to lock yourselves in a room for half an
hour or you get to the point that relationship counseling is necessary, you absolutely have to
keep the conversation going on a daily basis if you want to keep the spark alive. It’s not all
about connecting physically; you have to stay together mentally and emotionally, as well.

Evan Fischer is a freelance writer and part-time student at California Lutheran University in Thousand
Oaks, California