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You don’t want your kids to suffer. And breaking up, as the old song goes, really is hard to do. No matter
what age you are, it’s never fun, but it may be even more difficult for teenagers, who have heightened
emotions at even the best of times. So even though as parents you know that your children are going to
have go through this painful process – and even though you know you don’t have to like it, necessary as it
is – you still want to be able to help your teen through the less than enjoyable experience of having their
heart broken. Here are a few tips on how to do it:
Listen up. The first thing you should do is to listen without judging. When your teen comes to you, focus
all your attention on them. You want them to keep talking, so ask questions that will allow your teen to
supply the details so that a) you can begin to see the big picture, and, more importantly, b) they can begin
to get it out of their system. Be as supportive as you can with your body and your words: remain open
physically (you should especially never cross your arms over your chest, as this closes you off and makes
you look stand-offish or judgmental) and tell your child that you love them and will be there for them no
matter what.
Be understanding. Though you’ve probably gone through this – or something like this – before,
remember that your teenager probably hasn’t, or hasn’t to this extent. Even if they’ve only been with their
boyfriend or girlfriend for a short time, the pain they feel is still very real to them. As dramatic as it can
seem – and as frustrated as you may begin to feel – try to empathize with your child and put yourself in
their place. This is probably new territory.
What are your options? Let your child know that they are in control of their own lives, even if it may
feel like they aren’t. If they’ve done the breaking, don’t judge them based on their reasons for doing it –
instead, guide them through the process of what comes next. If they’ve been broken up with, try to help
them understand that they are the one in charge of how they handle themselves now.
Other fish in the sea. This might not make them feel better initially, but eventually you can remind
them that there are lots of other people in the world. Even though they might not have found “the One”
just yet, there will always be more chances. This will be important when prom dresses begin to appear in
stores.
The bottom line. You love them, and you should remind them of this as much as possible. Tell your
child that you would take away the pain if you could, but that everyone has to go through something like
this at some point. Be as supportive as you can, and always be ready to listen when your child wants to
open up to you.
LOL @ Pam..ahhahahaha
I agree…listening is numero uno. My son hides a lot of his feelings…so it is hard to listen when he won’t share…Boys…
As the mother of a 16 yr old Teen Diva, what you say is absolutely true!
Listening!! I’ll try to remember all of this when my kids are old enough
Breaking up is hard no matter what age you are- I remember a few breakups that my mom really helped me through just by listening and being there. I dread the day when my son gets interested in dating (and going through breakups), but I know it’s inevitable.
Listening is so important!
my tween is just starting to get interested in girls…I dread the day he falls in love. Falling OUT of love is so hard!
I remember my mom being very nonchalant about the high school breaks that happened to us kids. I remember telling her later that to US, they were real love relationships that adults have, and it hurts just as much. Once you give your heart to someone, and I realize the “investment” of time might be different, the emotional investment is the same. I have 6 kids and even knowing this I still am lacking so much in what to say. Plus each child is different so you have a whole new set of rules on how to handle the same situation with each. Listening is hard sometimes when all you want to do is sweep in and fix everything. Broken hearts can be mended, but they truly are not ever the same. Each connection and break changes it…some making you stronger, some making trust harder. Age is really not a huge factor if you ask me. It is such a difficult time for those who are emotionally immature though.
It is always hard to see your child go through this. We always ate ice cream together. That seemed to help 🙂
Lol…@Pam! We’ve had a couple of them that I was glad to throw back, that’s for sure!
I don’t know who hurt worse when my baby had his first broken heart, him from being crushed or me watching him go through it.
Listening to him was so hard because some of the things he was saying..well let’s just say she was enough to make a mama commit crimes.
@ Pam you sure made me laugh :). I agree with one thing. Always listen to them, because I have been there, so always listen and wait until they ask you something. Then you answer. Thanks for sharing.
And, in our case, be glad the loser is out of the picture. 🙂