Disclosure: In any review for a product or service, products or compensation may have been provided to me to help facilitate my review. All opinions are my own and honest. I am disclosing this in accordance with FTC Guidelines. Please see “Disclose” and "Terms of Use" tabs for more information.
It’s hard for any parent to stand idly by and watch kids struggle. While you certainly want your kids to learn to handle social and academic problems on their own, and you definitely don’t want to be so overprotective that they cannot become self-sufficient, it’s also your duty to provide them with the knowledge and skills that will allow them to cope with any difficult situations they encounter. This means that while they’re living under your roof, it’s your duty to instill in them the lessons that will turn them into confident and capable young adults so that they’re ready to face the world when they move out. So when you see them struggling in school, whether because of academic difficulties or problems with their peers, you need to help them in any way you can. And here are a few options you might want to explore.
- Listen closely. As a parent, you probably think you know best, and as a result you might be tempted to offer your opinion without really taking the time to listen to the problems your kids are having. You should resist this urge and allow your kids to tell you everything before you start offering advice. This course of action will accomplish two things. For starters, it will show your kids that you respect them and that they can tell you anything without having to worry about being patronized. But it will also give them a chance to sort through their thoughts and feelings without interruption. From there you can ask questions that may help them to come up with a solution on their own.
- Reserve judgment. Whether you get a call from your child’s teacher saying that he’s acting up in class or your adolescent daughter comes to you crying because her girlfriends at school have frozen her out of the group, you need to give your kids the benefit of the doubt. When you take someone else’s word over theirs, it can send the signal that you don’t trust them, in which case they are unlikely to come to you with future problems. Of course, you also don’t want to let them get away with fibbing. But make sure to get all the facts before you make a snap decision. This will offer the best opportunity to work with your children to find a solution for whatever struggles are plaguing them.
- Talk to parents and teachers. Whenever your kids face problems at school, it’s important for you to ensure that their best interests are served, even if they don’t necessarily want you to get involved. Consider, for a moment, the stories in the news concerning cyberbullying. You don’t want your kids to become the target of such abuse from classmates, so you need to talk to their parents if you catch such activity going on. You are, after all, the responsible adult. And if your kids seem to be having either academic or behavioral problems in school, don’t hesitate to have conferences with their teachers so that you can come up with a plan to help your child succeed.
- Allocate time. One of the best things you can give a child suffering from problems in school is your time. Whether your kids merely require some help with their homework, they need a sympathetic ear, or you have to get involved in helping them to solve their problems, giving them your time and attention is essential to helping them overcome whatever issues they’re struggling with.
- Hire help. If you need a psychologist, tutor, or ADHD specialist to help your kids, it’s worth it to ensure that they’re able to overcome their struggles and reach their full potential. All parents want the best for their kids, and that may require you to recognize when your efforts are no longer effective, and ultimately, hire some professional help.
Hi Sam, Great article! Sometimes parents get so stressed when their kids aren’t doing well that they are flummoxed about what to do. Sometimes the basics count more than anything else. I would also make sure that they aren’t over extended with activities. Try to have family dinners most nights during the week.
For help with school work, I suggest Insta-EDU. It’s an online tutoring program that uses students from top colleges around the US. It costs only about $1 a minute and usually kids just need a few minutes of help. My daughter has used it for math and science and the tutors have really helped her out.
Nice post Sam.
I know you said “Listen closely,” but I want to add “Just listen” to your list.
So many parents these days don’t listen at all to their children.
I visit a lot of schools doing what I do, and at one of the big fancy private schools here, the principal told me the moms come to school, cell phone glued to ear, say “hi” to their children, and then continue their conversation about their next spa appointment.
That’s all the interaction they have with their children, and it’s becoming more and more common.
If you want children, you should want to sit down and listen to them.